Breaking the Cycle of Self-Doubt

Do you ever find yourself spiraling into a pit of self-doubt after a seemingly harmless comment or replaying social interactions in your head, convinced you did something wrong?

Does your teen over-react to situations and struggle with negative self-talk?

Negative thinking and rejection sensitivity can act like an emotional one-two punch, keeping you trapped in a loop of worry and fear. It’s a habit that reinforces itself. Over time, it can lead to chronic anxiety, depression, and a lack of motivation.

When left unchecked, negativity and sensitivity can fuel each other in ways that magnify stress, anxiety, and self-doubt. But understanding how these two patterns intertwine can be the key to breaking free from their grip.

What is Negative Thinking?

Negative thinking refers to a pattern of automatic, pessimistic thoughts about oneself, others, or the world. I like to call them ANTs, Automatic Negative Thoughts, when I talk to kids and teens.

ANTs are often irrational or exaggerated and can shape how someone views anything in life. People with a tendency toward negative thinking may constantly anticipate the worst-case scenario, downplay their achievements, or fixate on perceived failures. They may have a great day, only to find it ruined by one negative moment on which they fixate.

Some common forms of negative thinking include:

• Bullying: We tend to bully ourselves. Our minds are full of negative self-talk of things like, “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess this up”.

• Mind reading: No, not the carnival mind-reader, but probably just as valid. When we assume we know what others are thinking, such as “She hasn’t answered my text, she must be mad at me.”

• Personalization: Blaming oneself for things beyond their control, which leads to carrying the weight of a situation on your shoulders.

• Fortune telling: Predicting a negative outcome without considering more realistic odds.

What is Rejection Sensitivity?

Rejection sensitivity (RS) is an emotional hyper-reactivity to perceived rejection, criticism, or disapproval. People with RS tend to anticipate rejection in social interactions and over-interpret neutral or even positive feedback as negative.

For someone with RS, a small or imagined slight can feel like outright rejection, leading to strong emotional responses such as shame, anger, or deep sadness.

Rejection sensitivity often stems from past experiences of rejection or trauma and can be linked to conditions such as ADHD, social anxiety, or borderline personality disorder. It can also be triggered by significant life experiences, like bullying or exclusion.

People with rejection sensitivity might:

• Overanalyze social interactions, looking for signs of rejection.

• Avoid situations where they fear rejection.

• React intensely to perceived criticism, becoming defensive or withdrawing emotionally.

The Connection Between Negative Thinking and Rejection Sensitivity

Negative thinking and rejection sensitivity can create a vicious cycle. When a person is predisposed to negative thoughts, they’re more likely to interpret social interactions in a pessimistic light. They might assume others are judging them harshly, or they could catastrophize neutral situations, seeing them as a sign of impending rejection.

For example, a rejection-sensitive person might walk away from a conversation thinking, “I said something wrong. They don’t like me anymore,” even if there was no actual indication of disapproval. Their negative thoughts fuel anxiety, making them more sensitive to any perceived signs of rejection.

This loop can make social interactions exhausting and reinforce feelings of isolation, low self-worth, and chronic stress. In turn, this can deepen both the rejection sensitivity and the tendency toward negative thinking.

Reworking the Script

Fortunately, there are ways to break the cycle and improve emotional resilience.

In the “Reworking the Script” Director’s Cut workshop we discuss and practice the following:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)CBT is an evidence-based therapy that helps individuals challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with more balanced thinking. CBT encourages self-reflection and techniques to reframe irrational thoughts.

2. MindfulnessPracticing mindfulness helps people become more aware of their thoughts and feelings without judgment. It encourages staying grounded in the present moment and reduces the tendency to ruminate on negative thoughts. Mindfulness exercises like deep breathing, meditation, or grounding techniques can lessen the impact of rejection sensitivity. (There’s a whole workshop, Magic on Stage, dedicated to mindfulness because it’s such a powerful tool.)Magic on Stage

3. Self-CompassionBeing kind to oneself in moments of perceived failure or rejection can soften the blow of emotional pain. Acknowledge the hurt but remind yourself that making mistakes or being misunderstood happens to everyone. Self-compassion fosters a sense of self-worth independent of others’ opinions.

4. Challenge Negative ThoughtsWhen a negative thought arises, ask yourself if there’s real evidence to support it. Are you jumping to conclusions? Are there other explanations for someone’s behavior? Often, taking a step back and critically examining your thoughts can help break the cycle of negativity. Re-work the script of your life!

Additional ways to break the cycle of negativity include:

1. Improve Communication SkillsMany people with rejection sensitivity benefit from developing assertiveness, building self-esteem, and boosting communication skills. Expressing your feelings openly can prevent misunderstandings that lead to perceived rejection. It can also help create more honest relationships where you feel safe addressing concerns without fear of judgment. Building better communication skills and self-esteem are covered in the “Stage Presence” workshop. Stage Presence Workshop

2. Therapeutic SupportTalking to a therapist can provide a safe space to explore feelings of rejection and negativity. Therapy can also help individuals process past trauma or painful experiences that may have contributed to their rejection sensitivity.

Final Thoughts

Negative thinking and rejection sensitivity can profoundly impact how individuals interact with the world. By recognizing these patterns and using strategies to manage them, it’s possible to regain control over emotional responses and build healthier relationships with yourself and others.

Learning alongside peers not only allows teens to practice new skills but also provides them with a sense of validation, showing them they’re not facing these challenges alone.

With time, patience, and practice, you can break free from the cycle of negativity and learn to face perceived rejection with resilience and self-compassion.

There’s still time to sign up for “Reworking the Script”!

Teens are invited to join me online on September 22nd at 11am PT/ 12 pm MT / 1pm CT/ 2pm ET.