Holiday Stress Busters

Holidays are times many friends and families gather for fun and celebration. The traditions we share over the years can help build families, but the pressures also induce stress. Kids feel this too, so helping them through this stressful time is important.

Gathering with others

Children often are stressed in large groups of people, especially unfamiliar faces.

Change in routines causes stress in many kids (and adults). Prepare kids for changes by talking about upcoming events and letting them help make plans. Avoid overscheduling each day when possible.

Try to keep sleeping times as close to normal as possible. This is a really big deal, especially for younger children.

If meals will be later than normal, have healthy snacks available to tide kids over. When food is served, let kids choose how much and what to eat. Foods may be different than they’re used to, which may limit their choices. One day of not eating a nutritious balance of foods will not affect their overall health - let them enjoy the food they want and you’ll be able to enjoy the day more too!

Let kids and teens know expectations in advance. These expectations should be age and developmentally appropriate. Keep in mind the nature of your children when making plans.

If they don’t like crowds, what can you do to help them cope when gathering with a large group of extended family and friends? Allow them to have their own space, bring some of their comforting objects, and don’t expect them to talk to everyone.

Give kids space if they need it. Let them find a quiet spot to color, read, or do their own thing for a while. This quiet time might help rejuvenate them for time with others. If there’s no room for a quiet place, offer to go for a walk with your child to remove them from the crowd.

If you have an impulsive child who is curious in new settings, talk about behavior expectations in advance. Make sure the setting is safe for your child.

Don’t set your own expectations of your children’s behavior too high - be realistic with what you know they can do, and know that it may be worse when they are challenged in new situations.

Allow kids time to run. They need physical movement so shouldn’t be expected to spend large parts of the day sitting quietly.

If you’re hosting, talk to your kids about sharing their space and things. Allow them to protect their prized possessions from other kids if needed. While we should encourage sharing, some kids are not comfortable with others playing with their toys and should be allowed to have favorites stored safely away.

Gifts

Kids love getting gifts, but they shouldn’t be the focus of the holiday. Holidays should be focused on connecting with friends and family.

If gift giving is a source of stress, suggest an alternative to gifts. There are many things that could replace gifts, such as donations to charity (in any amount) or time together - consider a friendly competition, cookie decorating, or visiting a park.

If you want to give gifts, board games and cards can provides hours of fun with others and can be low cost. There are many suggestions of inexpensive gifts online - or make your own heart felt gift!

Don’t force kids to hug and kiss

Most of us don’t think one of our friends or family members would abuse our children, but statistics show that most abuse comes from these very people.

Protect your children by teaching them about healthy relationships and consent.

If kids are not wanting to give a hug or sit on someone’s lap, don’t make them. When a family member wants a hug or kiss, you can suggest a high five, fist bump, have them blow a kiss, or use another gesture instead. Even better: Anticipate the moment by asking, “hug or high five?” as you greet friends and family. Be sure the other adult hears this and follows your lead.

Be mindful of infections

Yes, the holidays fall during sick season. Travel brings people from different areas together, which mixes the germs up even more.

Be kind to others and stay home if you’re sick - especially if there will be vulnerable people at the gathering. Don’t ruin their holiday with infections.

We have learned a lot about how to limit spread of many respiratory viruses over the past few years. If you will gather with high risk people (and COVID-19 has shown any of us could be high risk for a serious acute infection or long term symptoms following even a mild infection), consider using extra precautions.

Vaccines are available to help prevent serious infections against influenza, pneumonia, COVID-19, and RSV (for elderly and the lucky few infants who find a dose). Many people seem unaware that an updated COVID vaccine was introduced to the US in September. If you haven’t had that booster yet or a recent COVID infection, you’re eligible for it! It is better matched to current variants and older vaccines are no longer protecting you much.

Masks have been studied and we know that a high quality and well fitted mask helps tremendously, despite what some headlines may say.

The cloth masks had their place while we were learning more and medical mask supplies were low, but it is beneficial to use what we’ve learned to find the best masks for both quality and comfort. An uncomfortable mask will not be worn, and masks only work while they’re covering your nose and mouth with a good seal to the face.

Remember that if you have your mask off in a closed room and only put it on when others enter, the room still could be filled with your germs - and vice versa if others put on their mask when you enter. Opening windows or using HEPA filters to clear the air can help. Learn how to improve ventilation in your home or stay outdoors if weather allows.

Honor differences

Be aware that some adults may choose to not drink alcoholic beverages for a wide variety of reasons - health, weight management, interactions with a medication, pregnancy not yet announced, history of problem drinking, and more. If they are not acting responsibly drinking and are putting themselves and others in harm’s way, steps should be taken to improve safety, but if they aren’t drinking, don’t push them to drink. Allow them to have fun in their own way.

Be understanding of loved ones if their infection risk tolerance is different from yours. Don’t chide them for taking precautions. Even better: support their need and help them be safe in the group by increasing your precautions.

Allow parents to parent their children without comment on how they should do it differently (unless a child is in immediate danger). Refrain from offering unsolicited advice.

Don’t say or do things that put others down - it reflects poorly on you. If others are being judgmental towards your decisions, remember that you have the right to your own feelings and their words and actions reflect upon them, not you.

If some family members are able to gather in a big group due to social anxiety or health risks or limitations, do what you can to include them. Consider an online chat or sending a heartfelt handwritten letter. This lets them know you care and want them included in some way.

For more

Teaching toddlers about consent from Zero to Three 

Age appropriate ways to teach consent at Talk With Your Kids from infant through teens

How to handle holidays after a death in the family from Childmind Institute

Dear Pandemic shares mitigations you can use to minimize risks during the holidays.