Limit holiday stress

Holidays should be times for families to gather for fun and celebration. The traditions we share over the years can help build families, but the pressures also induce stress. This year more than most, with some families at odds due to the pandemic, holiday stress should be minimized as much as possible.

Gathering with others

Children often are stressed in large groups of people, especially unfamiliar faces. This year they may be even more wary because they’ve been apart from crowds for so long.

Change in routines causes stress in many kids (and adults). Prepare kids for changes by talking about upcoming events and letting them help make plans. Avoid overscheduling each day when possible.

Try to keep eating and sleeping times as close to normal as possible. This is a really big deal, especially for younger children.

Let kids and teens know expectations in advance. These expectations should be age and developmentally appropriate. Don’t set the expectations too high, especially if your kids have been out of social gatherings during the pandemic.

Allow kids time to run. They need physical movement so shouldn’t be expected to spend large parts of the day sitting quietly.

If you’re hosting, talk to your kids about sharing their space and things. Allow them to protect their prized possessions from other kids if needed. While we should encourage sharing, some kids are not comfortable with others playing with their toys and should be allowed to have favorites stored safely away.

Give kids space if they need it. Let them find a quiet spot to color, read, or do their own thing for a while. This quiet time might help rejuvenate them for time with others. If there’s no room for a quiet place, offer to go for a walk with your child to remove them from the crowd.

Gifts

Kids love getting gifts, but they shouldn’t be the focus of the holiday. Holidays should be focused on connecting with friends and family.

Giving gifts may be more difficult this year due to supply chain issues and economic challenges. If gift giving is a source of stress, suggest an alternative to gifts. There are many things that could replace gifts, such as donations to charity (in any amount) or time together - consider a friendly competition, cookie decorating, or visiting a park.

If you want to give gifts, board games and cards can provides hours of fun with others and can be low cost. There are many suggestions of inexpensive gifts online - or make your own heart felt gift!

Don’t force kids to hug and kiss

Most of us don’t think one of our friends or family members would abuse our children, but statistics show that most abuse comes from these very people.

Protect your children by teaching them about healthy relationships and consent.

If kids are not wanting to give a hug or sit on someone’s lap, don’t make them. When a family member wants a hug or kiss, you can suggest a high five, fist bump, have them blow a kiss, or use another gesture instead. Even better: Anticipate the moment by asking, “hug or high five?” as you greet friends and family. Be sure the other adult hears this and follows your lead.

I’ve written more on this here if you want to learn more.

Pandemic issues

Last year many of us stayed home for the holidays, but this pandemic is not going to go away any time soon and it’s important that we find safer ways to still connect with our loved ones.

We are in a much different place this year because teens and adults have had the opportunity to get vaccinated and some younger children are newly eligible to start getting vaccinated.

If you are gathering, consider the health risks of each attendee, their vaccination (or recent infection) statuses, how everyone will get to the location (driving a personal car vs public transportation), and people’s general exposures (school masked vs unmasked, sports, indoor activities). It can be difficult to find test kits, but asking everyone to take a rapid COVID test prior to attending the gathering can be very helpful at limiting risks.

COVID is in the air

We also have learned a lot about how COVID19 spreads through the air. Masks have been studied and we know that a high quality and well fitted mask helps tremendously.

The cloth masks had their place while we were learning more and medical mask supplies were low, but it is beneficial to use what we’ve learned to find the best masks for both quality and comfort. An uncomfortable mask will not be worn, and masks only work while they’re covering your nose and mouth.

Remember that if you have your mask off in a closed room and only put it on when others enter, the room still could be filled with your germs - and vice versa if others put on their mask when you enter. Opening windows or using HEPA filters to clear the air can help. Learn how to improve ventilation in your home or stay outdoors if weather allows.

Evaluate risk and tolerance levels

Consider who is and is not vaccinated (including those unable to vaccinate or those who have just started the vaccine series but aren’t fully immunized).

Look at what types of exposures people have. Do they work from home and rarely interact with others? Are the kids in a school that doesn’t require masks? Do they attend concerts and sporting events?

Be especially cautious if family members are elderly or have health risks, but remember that COVID19 can affect young and healthy people significantly too. It’s a game of roulette to know who will have a serious acute infection.

We are just learning of some long term effects.

We will not know if there are late effects for many years. Other viruses return years after initial infection to cause a variety of conditions that are different from the acute condition. Chicken pox virus can lead to shingles. Measles can lead to a neurological decline and death (SSPE). Several viruses lead to cancer years later. We simply don’t have enough time to know yet if SARS CoV2 will cause a secondary consequence.

Honor differences in risk tolerability

Be understanding of loved ones if their risk tolerance is different from yours. Don’t say or do things that put others down - it reflects poorly on you. If others are being judgmental towards your decisions, remember that you have the right to your own feelings and their words and actions reflect upon them, not you.

No one should impose safety risks on others who are not comfortable with that risk level or be made to feel bad if they want to be more cautious. People should be excluded if their risk level (such as not regularly masking in public, attending large indoor events, not vaccinating) exceeds that of others. If they do not abide by the group’s terms of vaccines, masks, or other mitigations, they should not be attending the gathering. If this describes you, do not be offended by your family’s request for you to not attend. Respect their wishes.

If some family members are not comfortable gathering in a big group, do what you can to include them. Consider an online chat or sending a heartfelt handwritten letter. This lets them know you care and support their decision.

For more

Teaching toddlers about consent from Zero to Three 

Age appropriate ways to teach consent at Talk With Your Kids from infant through teens

How to handle holidays after a death in the family from Childmind Institute

Dear Pandemic shares mitigations you can use to minimize risks during the holidays.

If you’re in Kansas and want free COVID testing, see the Kansas Health Department COVID site. 

Go Get Tested is a resource to find testing sites near you.